Since being sick I have had to change a lot within my life and I wasn't till the last week or so of July that I realized just how much I have been in a slump emotionally, physically, even some what spiritually.
One change that has happened for the better was:
I have had to revamp all of my eating habits now that I know for sure I am lactose intolerant and with all the gallbladder issues I have had to cut out a lot of difference foods like beef and spicy foods. Despite all of this its actually been fun and not at all hard to accomplish. I am also finally loosing all this extra weight that I gained starting two years ago.
I had been going to the gym on campus and even with eating fast food all the time I was at the lowest I had ever been of 160. I alway stay around 175 never getting above 180 and never below 170 but I was actually making progress and losing the weight. Then a lot of things happened and I moved to FL to live with my grama and shit changed fast before I knew it I was 250 lbs and nothing not even just doing daily walking like I use to was fixing it.
With this new diet I am actually losing weight without even doing anything and I couldn't be more happier that I am not as heavy as I have been this last year and a half.
Another change has been:
A few week ago I found this new techno musician and fell in love with a description he left for one of his songs called Stargazing. The description goes:
While looking up deep into the galaxies and cosmos on a clear winter night, the stars brighter then ever before the cold wind blowing through your hair, and the most beautiful meteor shower to have ever graced the skies plummeting to Earth, you are suddenly struck by the awe-inspiring sense of insignificance, yet utter belonging within out universe.
I was stuck by the utter meaning and felling behind this. Add in his music and how well it conveys this I have decided to start using this thought and music in my meditations. I have been struggling with my meditations and doing them regularly here in the last couple of months has been nonexistent. This has shed a new light about how im going about my meditations and a deeper form of meditation that I have been lacking. Mediation having come easy to me seemed to loose its appeal and meaning to me.
I have also notices a big change in my general practices picking up since the hospital. I had been starting daily walks again right before I got sick and that was it. Now that walks are not an option I realize how much Ive been ignoring in my spiritual path and have been lieing to myself by thinking that because Im communing with nature and all that I normally do in my walks I was just going through the motions of an old routine that no long holds as much meaning to me as I use to.
Since the hospital I have started things that I wouldn't have been doing being stuck inside all the time and I have come to realize the importance of them finally in a way that I am so happy that I do now. I have been drawing out my book of shadow pages finally giving me visuals for me to learn faster and honestly make me feel more centered in my path not so wondering around. Also with school supplies being on sale I went and got a bunch of $0.25 spiral notebooks and now have them all dedicated to a topic.
I have a dream and meditations journal which Im actually keeping up something that I have never been able to do for longer then a week YAY.
A journal on topics I wish to actually post about my path and tips im hoping will help others like myself such as my hidden altar ideals I posted on here and on the forum I frequent.
One strictly for Poseidon and another for Artemis I am hoping to log all my knowledge about them and things that I connect with them and log events that happen with them. I also plan on doing this with my dragons and dragon meditations, I have been so bad a student when it comes to my dragons and I hate how neglectful i have been to them since working on finding my god and goddess and figuring all the things I have since February.
I also thought it would be a good ideal to keep a book on quotes and things I find that invoke meaning to me spiritually or that I connect to personally. This way I can keep them always and go back over them when I need a boost like I have been.
Final words:
Im hoping by doing all the things I have I will keep up some form of daily practice and that my path will be more firm then it has been in my search for what I knew to be my Goddess and what I knew my abilities to be. I cant even begin to describe the amount of growth I have had in the last year and to be honest I hope that my growth just keeps growing as abundant as it has been. I am finally feeling more myself then ever, more open to trying things and more social then ever. I love you my God, Goddess, and Guides and thank you for showing me the way when I am lost and keeping me on my toes when I'm not. Despite all of the hardships that I have gone through in life I know I will always get better and you will always be there for me. Blessed Be.
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